TL;DR
Whom am I speaking to? Who is this going to help?
My Practical Experience
My Mind Dump.
Alright so now we get to the 6 common fears that the Devil uses, as mentioned in Napoleon Hill’s book “Outwitting the Devil”.
Now fear is simply one of the many tricks that the devil uses to prevent man from reaching his full potential. The other tricks, which we’ll cover next time, include
- Bribes
- Failure
- Propaganda
- ego/vanity
So, what’s special with fear? Well for starters, fear is paralyzing; it keeps us from taking action on our goals and desires by making us believe that we’re not capable of realizing those desires.
Not only is fear paralyzing, but it’s also isolating; it tricks people into believing that they are alone in their struggles, and that there is no one who can help them.
And with the help of hypnotic rhythm (the force that makes habits permanent), people who become habitually fearful find themselves in a cycle of fear and negativity, so that they never realize their full potential or achieve their dreams.
So, we see now that fear is quite insidious; but the good news is that there’s really nothing to fear, besides fear itself.
To get a better idea of what I mean, let’s break down the 6 common fears that stop us from living our full potential and the solutions to each.
1. Poverty
First, we have the Poverty. Now what is the fear of poverty? Seems pretty obvious right? It’s simply the fear of not having enough money or resources to meet one’s basic needs and desires, but not just one’s own needs, but also the needs and desires of loved ones as well.
So, we know what fear of poverty is, now how does it manifest in our daily lives? It’s everything that threatens your stability; this could be fear of losing your job, fear of not being able to pay bills, rent, or mortgage, or fear of not being able to retire comfortably.
So really, at its core, the fear of poverty is a fear of instability; a question of if we can survive the uncertainty and unpredictability of life without those resources.
Okay, so we have a pretty solid understanding of the fear of poverty, now, how do we overcome this fear? Keep in mind, the following techniques are things we can do right now, instantly, that snowball into a better life.
First, stop, think, and create a plan to achieve financial security. This of course will depend on what kind of lifestyle you desire, as well as where you are in relation to that desired outcome.
If you’re completely new to this idea of setting up a plan, you should consider doing some research on your part.
I personally had my start by following Dave’s Ramsey’s advice.
I think Dave offers a lot of very practical and sound advice for securing financial stability that just about anyone can benefit from.
I mean for goodness sake, his program is called, Financial Peace University; if you’re looking for financial stability, it does not get any more clear than that.
Jokes aside, here’s what it practically looks like to create a plan to achieve financial security:
- Get a budget. Without going into the details, find out how much you earn, and how much you spend, and make sure that the gap between those two numbers is reasonably large, otherwise you’ll never get a chance to save for anything
- Build an emergency fund. Remember that people develop a fear of poverty because they really fear instability of the future. I can bet you right now that if you had a year’s worth of savings at your disposal, you would go to sleep just fine every night. Something to consider.
- Eliminate your consumer debt. Because really It’s just plain silly to buy something you cannot afford on terms you do not want.
- Learn. Spend just a little bit of time each week to learn as much as you can about personal finance and investing. Multimillionare Alex Hormozi once said that 80% of a skillset can be learned in the first 20 hours of intentional work; if you study every weekend for 2 hours, you will have a pretty good financial foundation in 10 weeks. Now imagine if you continue that for 5 years, consistently, and you will live a life you could never have previously imagined.
And that’s it!
That’s what I mean by creating a plan for achieving financial security. It’s so simple, even a monkey can do it.
So you see here, there’s no need to worry about the fear of poverty if you simply save extra money and continue to learn about personal finance. The rest of the issue will work themselves out as you continue to play the game.
2. Criticism
Alright, now the next fear that’s stopping you from realizing your potential is that of criticism.
What do I mean by criticism?
Criticism is the fear of being judged or rejected by others in pursuit of your desires.
We don’t like criticism because it not only hurts our own self-image of ourselves, but it also produces the threat of instability that comes with being closed off from the rest of the group. Again, the root fear here is instability.
But, as with any other fear, it’s a matter of our own misuse of our perception.
To overcome this fear, remember that when people criticize, it’s often based on their own insecurities and biases; many feel will feel uncomfortable seeing you express a side of you that they’ve never seen before, and this in turn creates their own inner instability because now it appears like you’re someone else—but you’re not someone else, you’re simply growing towards your unrealized potential.
Especially in the pursuit of big ambitions, people will feel lousy seeing someone they personally know achieve great things while they themselves continue to live a safe life.
And, as we all know, we can either feel better by rising to new heights or bringing people down, and it’s the latter that most people do when they feel deeply insecure.
Also remember that if you ever worry about hurting your image or reputation, ask yourself if it’s your own self-made image, or the image the people have imposed on you. You’ll soon realize the truth, and immediately lose your fear of criticism.
Now it’s of course easier said than done.
I remember when I was younger, I was posturing quite a bit by trying to appear agreeable, hardworking, and willing to sacrifice.
Well, that eventually backfired, because I came across as someone who didn’t know what to do and would do whatever people told me to do.
I ended up stressed and caused more hardship to my relationships than growth.
The point is, sometimes you must simply not care about appearing good and actually be good.
And you become good by identifying what you desire or obsess about and going in full pursuit of that desire,
That way, you’ll naturally put in the hours to become so good they can’t ignore you.
The key is to make sure it’s your own choice, and that you’re not letting fear of criticism hold you back or drive you towards something you don’t want.
An important note: Seek advice from mentors, but always do your own thinking. That’s how you can separate criticism from helpful advice in furthering your pursuit of your goal.
Also, a fun book I love recommending to anyone who struggles with criticism is to read “The subtle art of not giving a fuck”, by Mark Manson. I’ve actually read the book a few times and it’s quite the cathartic read.
3. Fear of Ill-Health
Alright so two down, four more to go. What’s next? Fear of ill-health.
Now when I say health, I mean all aspects of health, namely physical and mental health.
This fear can manifest in many ways in real life, such as excessive worrying about one’s health constantly seeking medical attention for minor symptoms, avoiding activities or situations that may pose a risk to one’s health
This fear can also manifest as an obsession with staying healthy, such as by excessively exercising or following strict diets, which can lead to stress, anxiety, and even disordered eating.
In general, the fear of ill-health can greatly impact a person’s quality of life, making it difficult for them to enjoy life to the fullest.
Again, the fear of instability reveals itself in our fear of losing our own mind and body.
The good news is that overcoming your fear of ill-health is actually pretty simple.
There are four key basics of obtaining good health:
- Getting enough sleep
- Getting regular exercise
- Eating a healthy diet
- Stress management
The first two points are pretty straightforward. Get 7 to 8 hours of good sleep each night, and do something to keep your body moving, either lifting weights, going for a walk, biking—anything as long as you’re consistent.
The other two points have a bit of nuance that will vary from person to person. Diet is especially a hot topic for debate, so all I can say on that point is to experiment with foods that give you clarity of mind in the long run.
Stress management comes from first making sure that the first 3 points are consistently done (sleeping, exercising, and eating healthy). Once you’ve covered that, you may consider these other habits, as I’ve personally found great benefit in obtaining clarity on my goals and desires:
- Meditating: I started largely from my mother and also after reading Ray Dalio’s book on Principles
- Journaling: I read something on twitter one day that completely summarizes why I enjoy writing, it goes “I write because no one listens”. And I thought, man, that’s so true. And that’s not a bad thing either, because you don’t want to be the negative person who is always coming, otherwise that becomes a habit and you’ll find you repel the good people in life and attract the bad ones. I like writing because it allows me to organize my thoughts and get down to the root issue of what’s bugging me, rather than putting a Band-Aid over the issue. This, in tandem with the clarity and equanimity that comes with mediation will help you get to the root cause of so many of your issues, and ultimately make life more fun, enjoyable, and effortless
- learning to say no. This can be saying no to certain activities that stress you out, or simply saying no to things you do not truly want. This is often easier when you have clarity on what it is that you desire. Again, I highly recommend reading Mark Manson’s book if you struggle with being assertive.
Now, if you’re really interested in longevity, I highly recommend reading Dan Butner’s book, “The Blue Zones”. In the book, Dan and the Nat-Geo team go out to find pockets of dwellings containing the highest concentration of centenarians. What’s a centenarian? A centenarian is anyone who lives to at least 100 years old.
So Dan and the team discover five of these Blue Zones (Okinawa, Japan; Sardinia, Italy; Nicoya, Costa Rica; Ikaria, Greece, and Loma Linda, California). And I like the book because it really does a great job at showing what a healthy life looks like for optionally aged people. It’s really cool, you see centenarians going horseback riding like they’re teenagers, and one centenarian still practicing as a doctor. It’s really cool stuff.
Anyway, I’ll spare the details for those of you interested in looking more into health and longevity.
4. Fear of loss of love
Next we have the fear of loss of love.
The fear of loss of love is described as the fear of losing affection and companionship from loved ones.
This fear can show itself in real life by causing individuals to cling to relationships out of fear, even when they are unhealthy or not fulfilling.
It can also cause them to avoid forming new relationships or pursuing opportunities that might separate them from loved ones.
This fear can lead to a lack of self-expression and fulfillment, as individuals may sacrifice their own happiness and personal growth in order to maintain relationships.
The fear of loss of love is related to the fear of instability in that both are rooted in a sense of insecurity and a lack of control over one’s circumstances. When someone is afraid of losing love, they are afraid of losing a source of comfort, support, and stability in their lives. This fear can drive them to cling to relationships or to be overly controlling in those relationships, which can lead to instability and further fear.
To release oneself from this fear, we simply need to remember two key points:
- Focus on building strong, healthy relationships
- Remind yourself that love is not something that can be taken away, rather an experience that can be shared with others.
Now let’s focus on the first point for a bit; how do we build strong relationships? The basis for any relationship is the ability to communicate well and provide value.
I know, you hear that all the time, about the importance of communication, but what does that practically mean?
If we choose to communicate effectively, we are choosing to express our intentions honestly and openly. That’s it. When we know and communicate clearly what we want, we attract people who align with us and repel those who drain us.
We’re not made for everyone, and that’s okay, because there are simply too many people with so many different values that trying to achieve all of those different, and incompatible values would leave us feeling inauthentic, when we should be living our own cool and awesome adventure. Pursuing authenticity and living up to our potential means surrounding ourselves with those who support our goals.
Now, here’s another twist: communication is actually less about speaking and more about listening.
I know, I just mentioned the importance of being honest and open with what you want, but hear me out for a sec.
Being honest and open about what you want does not mean rambling on and on to people; it simply means that, when the opportunity reveals itself, you’ll be ready to express your goals and desires openly and honestly.
But before you get to that point, the super majority of the time, you’re listening. Listening to whom? Listening to whoever comes across your path.
And I have to actually outline what it means to listen because it’s so simple to listen, people insist on adding obstacles to make it more exciting. But it’s, by its very nature, a 3-step simple process:
- Shut up: have the discipline to refrain from running your mouth all the time
- Listen: Just because you stopped talking does not mean your mind is not thinking about what you’re going to say. Focus on listening to the words of the other person
- Understand: When you stop talking, and you’re actually taking in the words of the other person, you begin to align your thinking to think from their point of view
Effectively, this leads to conversations where you simply ask more questions; but not just any questions, deep questions that show you’re trying to truly understand the intentions of the person. Because once you understand, you now have freedom to either add value or get closer to finding your true relationship with someone.
And that’s it!!
Shut-up. Listen, and Understand. So simple, even a monkey could do it.
Now if you successfully master these 3 steps, you’ll find higher quality relationships with people. Because not only will you understand what the other person’s goals are, and determine whether or not they align with what you want, but you’ll also become a highly valued person in any human relationship?
How?
Because by both listening and understanding people at a deep level, you will find what they desire, and if you know how to fulfill that desire, you will become extremely valuable, and people will naturally want to keep you around for things like social gatherings, job opportunities, or life-changing experiences. This is important because relationships are the currency of life.
But that’s largely driven by your ability to provide value, and listening is the key to discovering how you can provide value to people you care about.
So, to recap on the first point: building strong, healthy relationships requires 3 things:
- First, we know what we want, and we’re ready to communicate our intentions open and honestly
- Then, the ability to listen using the 3 simple steps: (1) shut up (2) listen (3) understand
- Finally, providing value to any relationship you find yourself in, because the more you give, the more you’ll earn back
Now let’s unpack the second point in overcoming the fear of love, and this I believe is especially important for many folks so make sure you buckle up and listen.
Remind yourself that love is not something that can be taken from you, rather an experience that can be shared with others.
What do I mean by this?
I mean that love is not something that one person gives to another person; it’s not giving food, money, water, or any resources to another person.
Likewise, love cannot be taken away from someone either.
Instead, love is created first from within, at the individual level, and then expressed outward to be shared with other people.
This means that love is not something that is dependent on external factors, such as the partner’s behavior, but it is something that is created within us, that we experience, and that we can share.
When we have an overabundance of self-love, rather than relying on others to generate that love for us, we again begin to attract the right people.
The great thing about love is that it grows exponentially when it’s shared with someone who gives back with mutual effort and commitment.
But again, this is only possible when we’re honest and open about what we desire, and naturally attract the people who will amplify our own love into something much greater.
So in regard to this fear of loss of love; we begin to realize that it’s actually something that we can never truly lose, because we always have it within ourselves, and it’s never going away, it simply needs to be discovered by you, the master of your own fate.
5. Fear of old Age
Now these next two fears are related to the ending of our lives, they are the fear of old age and the fear of death. Let’s look at the fear of old age.
The fear of old age has less to do with your physical body, and more on your perspective of the future.
People who fear old age worry about the future; specifically, they fear no longer being able to enjoy life and make a contribution to the world.
And let’s be frank; here in the states, old people and young people don’t often hang-out like other age groups. This is actually one of the cool things about Blue Zones, is that generations of families, from young to old, are still in regular and close contact, and it’s truly something cool to see everyone actually enjoying people’s company.
So what can we do immediately to resolve this fear of old age? First, it’s focusing on living in the present, by making the most out of each day.
What do I mean by this?
Well, I mean that the past has already played out and there’s absolutely nothing we can do to change the past, so forget living back in the so-called “good times” and realize that you are living in the best time, right now, to be alive.
If you truly believe that you’re living in the best time to be alive, your brain will find evidence to support that narrative, and you find yourself living in the moment.
It’s also important to realize that times change quickly, and that we don’t know what the future holds because things change so rapidly.
We can’t predict when a new drug will help reverse aging, and we can’t predict if maybe time travel will exist. Who knows.
So, the only way to overcome fear of old age is to forget about the past and the future, and focus instead on living fully in the present moment.
Enjoying every new change as a fun and exciting opportunity to live life to its fullest.
That’s how you overcome the fear of old age. Nothing more, nothing less.
Because aging, just like the next fear, is inevitable, and it’s neither good nor bad, but simply a reality of life that has no labels.
Fear of death
Now this last fear is extremely similar in that it’s inevitable, there’s nothing we can do to change it because it’s guaranteed, and that’s death.
Who doesn’t fear death? It’s everywhere.
The fear of death is perhaps the biggest fear of instability, because, unlike all other fears which are based on being alive, the fear of death is something we’ve never consciously experienced—it’s the complete unknown.
The fear of death also involves the fear of leaving this world and the people we love behind.
Despite its ominous ambiguity, it’s actually, in my opinion, the easiest fear to overcome.
Here’s why: death is inevitable, and this game of life we all play, ends with none of us making it out alive!
So, we’ve established that death cannot be cheated, fine. What can we do about it?
We overcome the fear of death by adopting the right mindset, as with all the solutions we’ve discussed.
We adopt different philosophies and spiritual guidance that shed a new perspective on death, while still doing our own thinking.
Here are just a few examples of philosophies that help us overcome the fear of death:
- Stoicism: Stoicism is a philosophy that emphasizes accepting what is beyond our control and focusing on what is within our control. Stoics believe that death is a natural part of life and that it is not something to be feared. They see death as an opportunity to prove oneself and to live a virtuous life
- Existentialism: Existentialism is a philosophy that emphasizes the individual’s experience of freedom, choice, and responsibility. It teaches that death is an essential part of life and that it is not something to be feared. They believe that death gives meaning to life and that it is an opportunity to make sense of our existence
In addition to philosophies, practically every religion has a perspective on death, here are a couple of examples:
- Buddhism: Buddhism teaches that death is a natural part of the cycle of life and that it is not something to be feared. According to Buddhism, death is simply a transition from one state of existence to another, and that the goal is to achieve enlightenment and liberation from the cycle of rebirth
- Hinduism: Hinduism also teaches that death is a natural part of the cycle of life, and that the soul is eternal. The belief is that after death, the soul is reborn into a new body and continues to progress through different states of existence. The ultimate goal is to achieve liberation from this cycle and merge with the ultimate reality, known as Brahman
- Christianity: Christianity teaches that death is a transition from this life to the next and that the soul goes to either heaven or hell. The belief is that those who have accepted Jesus Christ as their savior will go to heaven, while those who have not will go to hell. Christians also believe that death is not the end, but the beginning of eternal life
Now let’s stop for a moment and think.
Isn’t it so cool, that we have all of these different philosophies and religions that, on the outside appear so different, but fundamentally, at their core, help alleviate people to overcome many of the same human tragedies we face?
If that does not tell you something about life, then I’m at a loss of words.
Recap
So we’ve covered quite a lot in great detail, and I’m sure many of you are dulled out at this point. No worries, I’d probably do the same on Saturday afternoon, but I want to at least make sure that I give you all a TLDR that you can carry with you throughout your days.
So, Let’s review the 6 common fears again. Remember: fear only exists to prevent us from realizing our potential and living our best lives.
- Fear of poverty
- Fear of criticism
- Fear of ill-health
- Fear of loss of love
- Fear of old age
- Fear of death
To overcome your fear of poverty,
- Create a plan to achieve financial security
- Work on habitually improving your financial literacy
- Develop a positive mindset towards your ability to master money
To overcome your fear of criticism:
- Remember that criticism is based on the critic’s own insecurities and biases
- Cultivate the attitude of not caring what other people think
To overcome your fear of ill-health, Focus on healthy habits:
- good sleep
- regular exercise
- healthy eating
- stress management
To overcome the fear of loss of love:
- Focus on building strong, healthy relationships by communicating openly and honestly, and, above all else, listening to people by
- Shutting up
- listening
- understanding
- Remind yourself that love is not something that can be taken away, rather an experience that starts from within and is expressed and shared outwardly with other people
To overcome the fear of old age:
- Focus on living in the present by forgetting about the past and being optimistic about the future
To overcome the fear of death:
- Remember that death is the only guarantee in life; no one makes it out alive
- Adopt a philosophy and/or religion that changes your perspective on death
And that’s it!
The cornerstone that unites all of these solutions is this: Know exactly and precisely what you want from life.
When you have a direction, and faith in your ability to realize that direction, then you’ll realize that there was nothing to fear except fear itself.