TL;DR
I always thought that speaking mantras was a bunch of bull crap.
But, there’s a bit of practical nuance to it.
Speaking mantras/values/principles in your head, during the pause that happens before responding, increases the likelihood that your words and actions will be better aligned with your goals.
Another way to look at it: it’s “frame-setting”. You have giving you and the situation a label that’s in alignment with how you wish to act.
My Personal Experience
Just like how CBT emphasizes how labels and meanings we assign to ourselves and events influence our subsequent actions, the same applies with frames of thinking.
When I was in my emotionally turbulent period of my early 20s, I saved my ass a bunch of times by prefacing what I said. This was not something I was consciously doing, but now see in retrospect.
Liver king is another great example of this. In nearly all of his interviews, I’ve noticed he speaks quite a bit in the beginning, almost like he is setting the narrative for how he will speak.
When I write on Twitter, how I choose to label myself on a tweet (when the tweet prompt asks for something like, “what did you want to be growing up?”–that will influence how I respond to the next tweet).
Writing down principles and values is not some personal-growth marketing. Billionaire Ray Dalio wrote an entire book about developing principles.
Personal experience from parents
I recall being on a trip with my parents, and hearing how my mom was going to travel alone, and my dad realizing her plans just a few days before departure.
My mom claimed, “what do you mean? I already told you?”
In my head, I responded, “isn’t that gas lighting? If you truly communicated to your husband, then he would not have been surprised, or at least he would have been able to later on recall the moment when you announced your plans.”
But before I could make my thoughts into words and start criticizing my mom, my mind was able to make two concrete objective truths:
- I have never been in a marriage before
- My parents have been together for 25 years
These two points alone permitted me to release my anger, and simply let it go.
My parents have been together for more than two decades, and no human is perfect, so whatever they’re doing, it’s working.
I have also never been in a marriage before, so who am I to criticize how a marriage should be if I have no skin in the game?
Practical Applications
Get in the habit of storing your principles someone where you can edit and update them over time.
Remind yourself of your principles, ideally by speaking them into existence, but reading is also sufficient.
You don’t have to vomit your principles in all of your conversations; you subconscious will usually take care of that.
In between pauses before responding, you may remind yourself mentally of your principles, so that your following actions match your intentions.