TL;DR

If you want to learn how to work a room and attract/pull people towards you, start by listening to one person.

Whom am I speaking to? Who is this going to help?

The guy who finds himself in a social setting, with a room full of people, and trying to figure out how to “be social”

My Practical Experience

So I’m at at this training course, where I don’t know anyone, and I decide to try to practice my social skills by talking to someone.

We were all students, in a small-ish room, about 26 of us or so.

Everyone has their own group established, and people generally had good vibes.

Rather than joining the group and being another person in the background, I saw and identified ONE person who was alone, and decided to start talking to her.

And here’s the cool part, I really didn’t have to speak much. Here’s how our conversation went:

Me: “So, I hear your background is in neuroscience”

Her: “That’s right, I work on AI/ML at some national lab”

Me: “So what’s someone with your background doing here?” (note: the important part here: I was not asking questions for the sake of creating noise in the conversation, rather I was genuinely curious what she was up to)

Her: “Oh I work on AI/ML at some national lab [insert some details about her technical work]”

Me: “That’s really cool, so when you’re not working, how do you like to spend your free time?” (note: This is textbook classic question I pulled from the book “How to Talk to Anyone”, and it actually worked!)

Her: “Oh I love rock climbing, especially on Red Rock in Nevada”

Literally, the rest of the conversation goes on to focus on rock climbing. She really loved rock climbing, and even talked how, if money were not an issue, she would spend all day rock climbing.

The strange thing was that as soon as our conversation started dying down, literally two more extroverted guys come and join our group–making us now a group of four people.

The new people came in at the perfect time, and they group a nice refreshment of enthusiasm and general likability to the group. I could tell things really started to get fun as we talked about funny world events and scenarios. It was great.

Then, as we started to really have fun talking, two more people join our group, and then another person, making us a total of seven people!

Here’s the main point to take away from this: I started with one person and ended up with a group of people.

Another important factor: I was the person who spoke the least.

I’ve already pointed out the benefits of listening over speaking, and how we have two ears and one mouth for a reason.

It simply shows how listening really is the corner stone of all social interactions

I created a group of eight people in a social setting, while being the one who spoke the least. Think about that.

How does this opinion explain how the world really works in a way that accurate, wholistic, and realistic?

Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours. This personal experience validates this idea

Thanks for the advice, now how can I practically put this to use in a simple way for daily execution?

If you find yourself at a social outing, listen more, especially if it’s just one person. You don’t need to “hop around” different groups. Form your own group, by genuinely showing interest in one person.